A collaboration with :iconunmei-wo-hayamate:

Manbearpig: THE NOVEL!

Chapter 1:

With a start the legendary Manbearpig turned towards the screen. With the feeling of impending doom his eyes fixed on the glowing red words; he read them three more times before it finally sunk in. Emitting a sharp gasp he leapt from his office chair and dashed for the phone; he couldn't do this alone, he need the help of a professional.
His hooves shook as he dialled the familiar number. It took him three attempts as he was in such a state of excitement and terror.
As Manbearpig pressed the final number he became aware of a presence behind him. Placing the phone in the receiver he slowly turned and came face to face with the deadly assassin; Sarah Carnacano.
"Carnacano, we have to get out there!" Manbearpig shouted. His voice rang out throughout the cave.
Sarah's trusted machine gun hung loosely from her hand and she shook her head. Their efforts would be in vain. "No , Manbearpig. They're already dead! Angry Chicken and his army are ruthless killers, there will be no survivors." She stated, but she knew Manbearpig would pay no heed to her; ever since he was a Boybearpig he had vowed to rid the world from the evil that is Al Gore.
"We have to stop them, Carnacano!" Manbearpig shouted, slamming his hooved fist on the table. "Those people may be dead, but dammit there's others to think about!" He stopped for breath before continuing, "You can just walk away from all this, but I can't." Sarah rolled her eyes at the drama playing out before her. Finally she asked her usual question; "Can we take the Lambo?"
Manbearpig felt a surge of joy that this renowned assassin had agreed to help him once again, without the Carnacano he was powerless to the Chicken Army. "Murcielago or Diablo?" he asked, but the answer was obvious. The Diablo was heavily armed, perfect for combat, it was a war zone out there, and they needed all the help they could get.

Manbearpig: THE NOVEL!

Chapter 2:

"We're three miles away," Sarah stated as she tapped buttons on the Diablo's dashboard. It was equipped with all the latest technology that even the military didn't have access to, even Sat Nav.
"Turn left-" with a flourish Manbearpig broke the Sat Nav's smooth screen into a thousand pieces which shattered across the floor. "It's a bloody gate!" Manbearpig yelled, speeding past the gate leading into a field full of wheat. "Damn you!" When he heard no reply from the Carnacano, he came to an abrupt halt. "I was supposed to turn at the gate, wasn't I?" he asked, Sarah nodded.
With a loud sigh Manbearpig threw the car into reverse and turned into the field. The engine revved as the Diablo tore threw the crop, Manbearpig increased the speed, moving swiftly up through the gears.
The wind lashed on his deformed face as he looked out at the rolling expanse of fields before him. Somewhere out there they were waiting. At that thought he tightened his grip on the meringue resting ontop his hand, it would come in handy in combat.
"Look." The deadly asassin by his side pointed out through the window. Manbearpig followed her gaze, over the hill he caught sight of smoke rising into the clear blue sky. They were closing in.

Manbearpig: THE NOVEL!

Chapter 3:

No doubt the Chicken Army knew they were approaching, the Lambo's roars could be heard for miles. So much for sneaking up on them.
"Less than half a mile." Sarah said as she checked her ammo. She was used to these 'adventures', they went up against the army constantly, one day Al Gore would be defeated, but for now they had to battle his mindwashed army.
They had reached the top of the hill and nothing could have prepared them for this. They looked at the houses, burned down to just cinders, the bodies strewn across the landscape. The army was bigger than ever, a sea of yellow that went on for miles. This would be no easy task.
Though neither of them voiced it, they knew the job at hand was impossible.
"Call coming in." The screen announced. Sarah touched the touch screen and a grainy webcam image appeared. A deformed creature sat eating apple pie at a desk. Finally, it announced, "Good luck." Manbearpig ignored his daughter, Nayla, who was so fugly that she had been banished from the city, forced to live in the shadows for all eternity. Even Manbearpig couldn't stand to look at her.
The screen switched off, allowing Manbearpig and the Carnacano to focus on their mission.
"Ready?" Manbearpig asked, glancing first at Sarah and then at meringue balanced on his hoof. Sarah nodded and pressed perhaps the most important button on the incredible machine. The CD player.
'What would Brian Boitano do' blasted out from the speakers. It would be on repeat as always, the awful song had scared away countless Chickens, making their task much easier as the number rapidly decreased.
They drew closer.
The Chicken Army were ready for them. This would be no easy battle.

Manbearpig: THE NOVEL!

Chapter 4:

Manbearpig's grip on the wheel tightened as the magnificent machine hurtled towards the yellow wall.
Taking a deep breath he slammed on the accelerator. Hoof connected with the pedal, pedal connected with the metal.
With a surge of great speed and adrenaline, Manbearpig and Sarah careered towards the awaiting army with ease. Armed only with a machine gun and a meringue; nothing could stop them now.
From amidst the masses a Cornbrator missile, almost as large as the Lambo hurtled towards them. Manbearpig looked around him in horror as walls of Chickens flooded in on either side of them there was no hope of evasion,
Unless..
Yes! Manbearpig did it! In a moment of madness Manbearpig threw open the perspex window and slammed the Nitrous Oxide button on the dashboard, reducing the chickens merely to pancakes underneath the spinning Bridgestone tyres.
Just a glint in the flames, the Lamborghini Diablo sped out of the mess, leaving behind it an unforgettable trail of organs, blood, corn and beaks.
However, the army had not given up their assault on the two brave heroes and began to charge towards the astonished pair.
As the car careered out of control, Sarah knew what she had to do. She pulled out a cartidge from the glove compartment and thrust it forecfully into the base of the machine gun. She leant on the window and pulled on the trigger, bracing herself for the force of the gunfire.
Dazzling metal shone brightly and laid waste to the bodies of the Angry Chicken Army. Their lives were ended in moments.
Manbearpig slammed his foot onto the brake pedal and turned the steering wheel with great intent until the steering locked. The beautiful orange beast began to drift epically and effortlessly across the field, bullets raining down on the mass of chickens.
With the car in a magnificent power slide Manbearpig prepared the meringue for a collision with many an angry chicken's face.
Nothing could stop them now. They were fighting this battle and winning. Not even the onslaught of cornbrators and cannons were a match for them. Up against Manbearpig's expert steering, the Chicken's efforts were in vain.
The Diablo drew to a halt, before taking off again, charging the sea of yellow.
This was the finale.
With flames surging from the Lamborghini's roof scoop and spoiler, the burning tires etching great black lines into the field, Sarah's manical screams of laughter as she pumped bullets into the poultries vital organs and the vivcious steam of meringue being thrown by Manbearpig.
All that was left behind was a scene of carnage; charred bodies smothered in meringue and bullet wounds, to show those that oppose Manbearpig and the Carnacano will be dealt with the same fate, and also to show all, that they will defeat the Chicken Army and Al Gore, for Manbearpig, for you and for the world.
and most importantly
FOR JUSTICE.

the epic end.